Tidings of Comfort and Joy

This week, two premature babies who were here at GLA for assistance died. One boy and one girl.

The boy came to GLA a few weeks ago. His mommy died, but his daddy wanted to keep him. I saw his dad talking to the orphanage director, Dixie, when he dropped his son off.

I never held him, but I saw him around the place a lot. There is a nurse here named Stephanie who really took him under her wing. She nurtured the little boy tenderly and compassionately, she held him in a little baby carrier, meticulously fed him his bottle. He was very malnourished, and his skin was shriveled and dried out.

I first heard something was wrong with him when I was eating lunch on the day he died. The nurses and staff were talking concernedly about him. Usually we go back up to the Toddler House at around 7:00, but when I have opportunities to stay longer with my babies I take them. That day, we stayed longer. I had a lovely time with some of my babies, but I knew that up in the NICU, he was dying. At around 9:00, I went upstairs to the NICU. It was very hot in there – Molly, one of the staff, was holding him with a heating pad. Thirteen other babies slept peacefully in the room. There were lots of mosquitoes. I got bit bad.

It was quiet in the room other than the hum of the oxygen machine that the little boy was hooked up to. He fought hard. They thought he was gone three times, but each time he rebounded. I do not know the minute he left our world. But I knew it had happened when Stephanie reached over and shut the oxygen machine off. The room was silent. Thirteen babies peacefully slept. It was about ten o'clock, and time for their bottles. I walked throughout the room with the other nannies, picking up sleeping babies and feeding them their bottles.

It was late when we got home, but I wasn't tired. I played music. I played Christmas music. Reminder of another baby born so long ago. The melody of "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen" floated through my room. The melody seemed fitting. It's not a victorious, joyful melody. It's a haunting, solemn one.

God rest ye merry, gentlemen


Let nothing you dismay


Remember, Christ, our Savior


Was born on Christmas day


To save us all from Satan's power


When we were gone astray


O tidings of comfort and joy,


Comfort and joy


O tidings of comfort and joy

Yet despite the eerie sadness of the tune, it ushers in tidings of comfort and joy. Tidings of comfort and joy to a world where babies, the tiniest and most innocent of beings, live for a few days and then die. And so sorrowfully we sing tidings of comfort and joy. 

The little girl would die the next day. She had been at GLA for some time, and although her mother did not speak much French, I said hello to her each time I walked into the NICU, and I was able to have a few conversations with her while she fed her baby girl, using the other nannies as interpreters. She was a beautiful woman, and I loved her smile. The news of this little girl's death was not unexpected, but that did naught to lessen the profound sadness and heartbreaking wrongness of her death.

Now to the Lord sing praises,


All you within this place,


And with true love and brotherhood


Each other now embrace;


This holy tide of Christmas


All other doth deface.


O tidings of comfort and joy,


Comfort and joy


O tidings of comfort and joy.

Sin runs deep and far and wide in this world, leaving destruction and death in its path, but we have a reason to sing praises to the Lord. To embrace each other in brotherhood. To usher in tidings of comfort and joy.

Stephanie with the baby boy.

Children of the Heavenly Father

This past week, I really enjoyed spending some time with one of the adoptive families who came to Haiti for the first visit (Haitian adoptions require two visits). Just the mom and dad came down, but they have two girls at home. One of their girls is very interested in taking a gap year and spending it in Haiti! I loved watching them interact with their son. It was a privilege to be there with them on the same balcony as they held their son. It was also encouraging to hear from their perspective how important the work of the volunteers is to the families who are waiting. 

They left yesterday afternoon, and today when I went into the nursery, one of the nannies was sitting with their little boy in the corner of the room trying to feed him lunch. The rest of the kids were playing outside. The nanny asked me if his parents were already gone, and I told her they were, and she asked me to take him up. All of my kids were still eating, so I took this special little boy up with me to the balcony. I think he was expecting to see his parents up there, and he seemed disappointed and confused, but I could tell he recognized me. I finished feeding him his lunch, and then we sat there together for a while and once again I was amazed at the honor I have been given in caring for these children. Children waiting and waiting for their forever homes. Children of the Heavenly Father.

Updates on my babies!

Monday's girl is doing so well! She has started smiling and burbling and gurgling up a storm. Whenever I walk in the nursery, I am greeted by the hugest, sweetest smile. A few days ago, she started doing this thing where she apparently randomly decides to start screeching and yelling and smiling and laughing and kicking and squirming. It's quite entertaining. She was sick earlier in the week and running a fever, but she seems to be recovering fine. She turned seven months this week, and I'm thinking that she may be starting to get some teeth.

Tuesday's boy is growing and learning and laughing a lot these days. He knows how to say "uh-oh" now and says it frequently. Just today I saw him waving for the first time. He throws gigantic and heartbreaking fits of rage whenever I walk past his crib but don't pick him up. And he apparently doesn't like chocolate cake, because when I tried giving him a special treat the other day, he made a face of utter disgust and refused to put any more of it in his mouth. When I'm playing with him, he is the happiest, funniest, most charming little boy! I was thrilled to find out this week that his family is in Michigan, so hopefully I'll be seeing this little boy after he gets home!

Wednesday's boy is still reserved and often very clingy, but he is slowly becoming less so. I managed to go on a successful walk with him where he obligingly walked the whole way and didn't cry for me to hold him - this was certainly quite an accomplishment, and I think he is trusting me more and more. I try to get at least one smile out of him every day. He loves lollipops and goldfish and tampico. His birthmom came to visit him this week, and he was very upset to leave me and go to her. My heart ached for her as her baby screamed and kicked and fought. I'm hoping that he starts to talk soon. I know that he's a smart boy, and he obviously understands a lot of what I say to him.

Thursday's girl is always a joy. She has a chest cold right now, though, which has made her a little bit more subdued in the past few days. I'm still working with her on walking, and she can be very stubborn; she only walks when she wants to walk. Even when she does walk, she has a lot of upper body mass that she has a difficult time balancing out on her legs! She's beginning to play with toys much more intently rather than just throwing them which is what she always used to do. She can spend twenty minutes carefully examining and playing with just one toy. She also just started repeating the sounds I make, sometimes nearly recognizable as simple words!

Friday's baby still has a sock over his thumb!! He finally figured out, though, that he can suck his left thumb as well as his right thumb, so he may very well have two socks pretty soon. He's still a tiny little munchkin. He's got a weird rash around his mouth, and he had a horrible diaper rash although thankfully it's slowly healing. I love how he's beginning to get more interactive. He smiles more frequently than ever before, he can track toys now when I wave them in front of his face. I'm not impressed with his strength, though. As far as I can tell, it has improved very little in the past month. He refuses to put any weight on his legs, he only lifts his head up during tummy time for a few seconds before collapsing, and he still won't sit up. But we'll get there eventually.

Saturday's girl has become quite charming! She is doing a great job with having less and less tantrums. She knows how to blow kisses now, and does so quite beautifully to all the nannies and all her roommates as she toddles out of the room each day. Her laugh is beautifully contagious, and she laughs more and more each day. She is also a very busy little girl, and she loves to explore everything in sight. She is starting to repeat a lot of what I say to her, and I hope she starts to talk more. So far she says "bye bye" very beautifully, and she also says "Boo!" or "Pee-a-boo!" when we play peek-a-boo. Usually when I don't pick her up she throws a fit, but sometimes at night when I see her in her crib through the window, she claps and waves and blows me kisses.

Sunday's boy is a little bit sick, I think, but still happy and busy nonetheless. Yesterday I was in the big nursery watching the kids while the nannies attended Bible study, and he was clearly thrilled that I was there. He came hurdling across the room, flinging himself into my arms where he would rest contentedly for several minutes before repeating the process again and again. We are currently working on what it means to not grab other people's toys as if they were your own!

In other news, I just finished re-reading my mom's book Carried Safely Home. I read it in now from a new perspective. For anyone considering adoption, for anyone in the process of adopting, or for anyone who has adopted, you should probably read it. It's a good book.

Busy Days

In the past few days...

• Another premature baby arrived.
• A big girl, four years old, from another orphanage spent a few days here with the babies since GLA is processing her adoption. I got to spend some time playing with her today; she's very sweet.
• My roommates from Canada left.
• A new group of volunteers came (although they are not staying with me). A family of four from Alaska.
• One adoptive mother came to pick up her little girl and bring her home.
• Another adoptive family came for the first out of two trips to Haiti to go to court and such.
• One of my babies had a visit from his biological mother.
• We've been going on a lot of walks.
• Some random guy on a motorcycle stopped and asked, or rather demanded, that I give him my phone number. I didn't.
• Two volunteer nurses, Caitlin and Cheryl, came to organize the medicine cabinets and left this morning.
• I got sick and then I got better again (in case you hadn't already read bout it...)
• A sweet and very tiny premature baby died last night.

In the next few days...

• I'm having a sleepover with Lilly.
• There's an event at the Haitian church for the kids that I get to be a part of.
• This weekend is an outing weekend, though I'm not sure exactly what that outing will be.
• I hope to snuggle up sometime soon and watch some good old Pride and Prejudice as a very good way of coping with post-puke lethargy.

Tales of Gory Woe

Warning: Please read only the censored version if you suffer from qualms of the mind, soul, or body in regards to bodily matters, particularly those concerning malfunctions of the stomach. But fear not, for there are no images (in pixels anyway) for you to be concerned about. The Not Censored Version does contain descriptions that are not, perhaps, for the faint of heart. But if you are of the faint of heart, read it any way and it will likely rectify the faintness of your heart with its account of my maladies. And if you do suffer from qualms of the mind, soul, or body, I'd still recommend reading it just so that you can appreciate how many synonyms I came up with for the word “puke” without using any kind of thesaurus. Thank you and have a nice, puke-free day.

Censored Version:

I threw-up last night, but I'm better now.

Not Censored Version:

Last night, I puked up a storm. I do not recall ever having puked quite so much in the entirety of my short life here on planet earth. Massive quantities of chicken and peas and rice and pineapple and casino cookies met with my friend the toilet. To make the situation even better, I was unable to flush the toilet or wash my hands because for some reason still unbeknownst to me, the water was not working, so a large amount of my dinner enjoyed the company of the toilet for a decent amount of time.

It really was a dramatic puking session I must say. I was coughing it up so hard that I was crying buckets by the end – not tears of pain (though those certainly would not have been entirely unwarranted), no, it was simply because the sheer force of all that effort elicited a great many tears which served to cover my face in a layer of wetness whilst I hunched over in agony.

Since I have been experiencing some allergies recently, a sizable amount of mucus was represented in the partially digested chicken dinner. I got out of bed and ran to the bathroom with hopes that I might puke, but when that was to no avail after several minutes of leaning hopefully over my friend the toilet, I figured I might as well relieve my bladder if not my stomach, and shortly thereafter was when I vomited. This fact of life meant that the orange-green substance with black chunks was now combined with urine. Isn't it just grand? And it gets even better. After what felt like an ocean of acidic chicken-pea-rice mush burbled and gurgled its way out of my body, I cautiously stood up assuming that the worst was over, but it was not so. Back down I went. This lovely ordeal repeated itself numerous times before at long last, only small chunks of caloric substances still sputtered their way out from under my tongue and the back of my throat and the roof of my mouth and other such places where chunks of regurgitated food are apt to hide. A strange thing was that I could very distinctly smell and taste the flavor of the peas and chicken sauce especially. On second thought, perhaps that is not actually so strange since that was indeed what I consumed for dinner a few hours prior to upheaval. But at the time, it somehow struck me as being strange that this conglomeration of grossness so drastically different in appearance than what had been on my dinner plate could possibly have any relation to said dinner plate. I am beginning to believe that those particular foods may not appeal to me for some time yet. But as the good book says, there is a time for everything. A time for chicken and a time for no more chicken. A time for consuming peas and a time for fasting from peas. A time for your food to have a bit of fun pretending to be Mr. Bilbo Baggins as he makes the full journey There and Back Again.

Initially, my reaction was to wallow in misery, wishing pathetically for a sympathetic motherly figure to send me whimpering and complaining all the way to bed with a warm cup of tea, a few saltines, and a good dose of meds, but then I came to the sudden and thrilling realization that the combination of being on your own for the first time and being deathly sick is actually quite exciting, and so my misery quickly transformed into a dramatic flair, and I was suddenly catapulted into a marvelous land where *heroine suffers from severe indigestion and survives incredible bouts of barfing* My favorite part about that (besides imagining myself as said heroine, of course) was the alliteration in “bouts of barfing”. That line, I'll have you know, was not a line carefully contrived hours after the calamity. No, that very line did indeed flash appealingly through my mind within minutes of my nutritional sustenance defying gravity.

The exhilaration, however, eventually fizzled out into introspective thankfulness that I had a white and shiny porcelain bowl to puke into and that I don't live right outside where there would be goat fecal matter to meet my puke instead, and that I have things like electricity to illuminate the puke (illuminated puke, I feel like, is vastly nicer than puke lurking in dark corners, though I can't say that I speak from experience. Yet.) And I was thankful for a welcoming bed with only a few spiders, ants, and other assorted creepy crawly creatures to cuddle up into and to fall soundly asleep in. Just kidding, I lied, I did not fall soundly asleep. I immediately proceeded to write up a detailed account of the exciting episode, which probably wasn't the wisest thing I've ever done and I learned a valuable life lesson, that being this: describing the particulars of your puke in the wake of the puke itself can sometimes lead to renewed nausea, especially when you stay up an additional hour editing and revising your descriptions. But capturing the moment certainly took precedence over what was indubitably imagined renewal of the nausea. Best of all, I can be thankful for I have a whole bunch of dear friends and family – over one hundred, often more than two or three hundred, checking this blog each day, who love me enough to read my tales of gory woe. Life is good.

P.S. To Abraham and Paul Paternoster: Because I fully realize you are wont to question the validity of the statements I have made above concerning my state of health (or lack thereof), I would like you to know that had you been here to witness this event, you yourselves could not have depicted it in a more true or accurate way. In fact, I am convinced that you would have been so repulsed that your resulting narratives would have been highly more sensationalized and hyperbolic than this tame, gentle, and understated account.

Highlights from the Weekend

There were two highlights from the weekend!

Highlight #1: My two roommates for the past two weeks (a mother daughter pair from Canada) just left this morning, but before they left, they gave GLA money to have a party for the kids at the Toddler House. So on Saturday night, we cleared out the courtyard at Kay B, set up speakers and a strobe light, put up a huge screen made from a tarp, and had a party! The money from the two volunteers went to pringles – lots and lots of them. Each kid and the nannies too got their own can of pringles when we started the movie, which was The Lorax. Watching the kids dance and dancing with them was an experience I'm not likely to forget. Those kids know how to jam out to music. They were all in the pajamas too which made even better. We danced and danced and danced for a very long time to lots and lots of very loud and wonderful music. There is a bar just down the street from the orphanage, and sometimes at night they play very loud and often obnoxious music late into the night, but as Wendy (one of the volunteers from Canada) aptly stated, we gave that bar a run for their money. Well we eventually stopped dancing, set up benches and chairs, passed out the pringles, and turned on the movie. I don't know exactly how much of it the kids understood. We did watch it in English – they are learning English in school and many of the older ones especially speak and understand it well, but there was constant and noisy chatter throughout the duration of the film, and three of the girls ignored the movie for the most part and instead looked through all the pictures on my camera.

These pictures sort of serve to capture the energy of the dancing masses, but certainly not adequately...

Highlight #2: A friend visited! It was soooo so good to see a familiar face here in Haiti!!!

The Things I Miss

• Apples. Especially now as I'm imagining the orchards in Michigan, ripe with shiny red orbs. Cravings for a good apple, and also for a slice dipped in carmel have been persistent. Except I was recently informed that there is a pathetically small amount of apples this fall. And I got to go to the grocery store where I purchased lots of apples. But still, I miss apples.
• Fall weather. Watching the leaves turn all shades of warm colors, seeing them glittering in the sunlight as they make their decent. The cool mornings and warm afternoons. The clear blue skies and the air that feels and smells and tastes so crisp.
• Grooveshark, pandora, and youtube. The internet here is slow, and it doesn't work to download anything. The music on my itunes is getting old.
• Walks in the country. Even though your eyes get adjusted to seeing trash and filth every way you turn, even though you become accustomed to the layer of dust that seems to coat everything, even though you even embrace it and enjoy it and feel at home in it, the more I get used to it, the more I want to talk a walk in an unadulterated field of grass, or through a clean and peaceful forest. Or stand on the waters of Prentiss Bay and revel in the peace and perfection of God's creation before you.
• Ice cream. I just do.
• Knox Presbyterian Church. I miss this more than almost anything. I miss the bus down to Detroit on Monday nights, I miss Turning Point on Wednesdays, I miss the fall retreat already even though it hasn't happened yet, I miss Lighthouse, I miss worshipping with so many friends of all ages gathered around, I miss my family small group and the mayhem of children and the food and the familiarity, I miss my Turning Point small group and the opportunity to share my heart, I miss Pastor Chuck's sermons, I miss all the conversations and all the love, I miss being profoundly known by so many and also knowing the stories and testimonies of those who surround me.
• I miss Cedar Campus. Because I always do.

I wouldn't exactly say I'm homesick, though. Because even if I miss all these things and more, the food here is nothing to complain about, my babies are becoming my life, I may not have apples, but I do have the most delicious pineapple, I'll miss the beautiful tropical flowers just as much as I miss fall leaves, I will always have Knox to return to – those relationships are there forever – and God's people worship and follow Him in Haiti and I get to be a part of that, and this wonderful thing called the internet keeps me as connected as ever I could hope to be. And God is faithful. I don't have to miss Him, because He is here in Haiti too.

A Day of My Life in Pictures

This is where I start my day (and where I spend my nights) at the Toddler House, or "Kay B":

 Then at about 7:30 in the morning, I walk about a mile down the mountain on these harrowing roads:

To this place! The Main House with all the babies:

I spend my days with my cuties. Yesterday, they wanted to say happy birthday to Clara in French:

Sometimes, I go for walks in the day with my toddlers. We go to a little store, buy cookeis and Tampico, and sit on the wall overlooking the valley:

Then we come back to the balcony where there is a beautiful view of the moutains:

And then we eat dinner at this table:

And then we go back home to Kay B where there are dozens of children running around in the yard. I play with them until they go in for their baths.

Then I sit on the balcony and read my books and write in my journal and watch the sun set...

La Nourriture

The food here at GLA is nothing to complain about. It's quite phenomenal, actually. The people running the kitchen could really open a very successful restaurant.

For lunch, we eat the same thing as the kids are eating. Haitian food. These meals rotate on a weekly basis, and they are as follows:

Monday is noodles with meat sauce. Also served with bright pink radish and potato salad that is surprisingly delicious.

Tuesday is beef stew with lots of veggies and garlic, served with white rice

Wednesday is fried plantains, seasoned rice with beans, and more beef stew, though the flavor is different than Tuesdays

Thursday is the most delicious soup with beef, potatos, plantains, carrots, and green leafy substances. The flavor in this is soooooooo good, and like nothing I've ever tasted before.

Friday is rice with bean sauce and fried vegetable root (the fried veggie roots are SO good, slightly spicy, crunchy, and very very delicious)

All the meals are also served with very yummy buns (bubble bread, as a matter of fact, for those who are acquainted with the term!) and there are always fresh cinnamon rolls for the taking as well.

Dinner is usually American food. Tonight we had sausages cooked with onions and cheese, cheesy mashed potatoes, pineapple, and avacado salad. Friday is usually pizza night, and it is good pizza.

On another note, happy birthday to my sister. One of the nannies that I've become friends with has a daughter whose birthday is today as well. She's on her shift, though, so we celebrated the birthdays of our sister and daughter even in their absence. 

Tuesday's Munchkin

Meet the little fellow I pray for every Tuesday:

This boy is such a cutie. He recently turned one, and he also recently started walking. He loves to have fun, he loves to be kissed, he loves to spin around and around in circles. A few days ago, we went on a walk, and it was his first time walking with shoes! Quite the entertaining experience. He's super active, always going, always exploring, and always smiling. He does have a family waiting to bring him home; please pray that he can go home soon!!!

Monday's Baby Girl

Sorry I'm a day off now! Yesterday I prayed for this sweet baby girl:

This baby was the very first I laid eyes on when I got to GLA. I walked into the NICU shortly after arriving at the orphanage, and she was the first child I saw, being swept up by a nanny for a diaper change. She is a beautiful little girl, six months old, and a joy to be with each day. She definitely recognizes me now, and I am greeted by the most dazzling smile when I go to get her. She has the cutest face, the most adorable hair styles, and just in the past week, she's started babbling up a storm! She's very inquisitive, very alert, and very good natured. I love cuddling with her, I love making her smile, I love watching her grow.

She is doing well; pray that she continues to thrive, and that she can know the love of Jesus deep down in her heart.  

My Sunday Boy!

Sorry I missed yesterday's boy! Usually, I type up my blog posts at night (there is no internet where I stay) and then post them when I get to the Main House the next day (where there is internet) but I forgot to do so Saturday night.

Meet the boy I pray for each Sunday:

This little toddler has been at GLA for quite some time now, and he has quite the reputation. Everyone here seems to know him and love him! It took him a little while to warm up to me, but after two or three days, this little munchkin knew who I was and now he greets me with the biggest grin when I walk in the nursery. Recently, however, he seems to have gotten into somewhat of a tantrum stage. I'm hoping that this subsides soon... He was very good today, thankfully. His favorite toy is a blue ball, and he looks for it the minute we get up to the balcony every day. Despite the fact that this ball can be somewhat cumbersome when trying to play with other toys, he refuses to let it go the whole time we're up there.

He is, as you can see, a very handsome little man with an absolutely radiant smile. He does have a family waiting to bring him home; pray that they can come soon. Pray that he grows in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and men.  

Saturday Girl

Meet my super cute, super smart, sometimes super fussy little girl:

This girl is so smart. She blows bubbles, gives kisses, waves goodbye and hello, talks on the phone, and mimics everything I do. When I walk into the nursery, she immediately lifts up her arms to me and starts waving bye bye to the other babies. She can be very fussy and throws the most atrocious fits quite frequently, although each day they become less and less frequent. She is developing very well for her age, and her adoptive family is in Michigan :) I love her so much. Pray for her health, pray that the tantrums continue to subside, and pray that she can go home soon.